


Clear Away Everything I've Planned

by EdgyMageName



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Fake AH Crew, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Minor Character Death, Pre-Fake AH Crew, Trans Jack Pattillo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:34:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26865241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgyMageName/pseuds/EdgyMageName
Summary: Sometimes Geoff thought back to his time before The Roosters. His other life. He wondered how Jack was doing, if she got into film business, or broadway, or theatre maybe?He didn't think about her too often. Thinking about her lead to thinking about all the different ways their lives could have turned out.He knew the others could read it in his face, his eyes, when he thought about her. Gus once pulled his aside and told him to forget. As if he didn't know.--------This is the story of how Goeff and Jacks life grew together, then apart as they grow up. Of the rise and fall of Los Santos first big crew and how the fallout hit Geoff, changing his life completely.
Relationships: Jack Pattillo/Geoff Ramsey
Kudos: 2





	Clear Away Everything I've Planned

**Author's Note:**

> This was written 2016 and bits put on tumblr, but i never posted the full story. The blog was dumping-chaos but hasn't been active in years, but if you'd like to look around, stuff about this au is tagged as #broken au
> 
> This is part of a bigger fake ah au but works all on its own. It's sad, deals with death and bad coping mechanisms but nothing is described graphically. Still, if you're sensitive about mentioned alcohol abuse or referenced drug use be kind to yourself and don't read.

Sometimes Geoff wakes up shaking, panting and paralyzed by the panic he can't seem to shake off. It takes several minutes until he can move again and even then he still feels deeply disturbed. 

These are the nights when he leaves his room to quietly walk over to Jack. There is a reason their bedrooms are connected to each other. 

Every time he does he holds his breath, terrified of seeing an empty bed, of discovering he only imagined finding her again. And every time he climbs into her bed he buries his face in her hair, eyes closed, and inhales her scent as if it was the first and last breath he would ever take. And when she closes her arms around him, holding and comforting him until the shaking stops and his breathing evens out he thinks about how stupidly lucky he is. It would have been so easy to never see her again. 

~

When they were young they took each other for granted. They went to the same middle school. Jack started growing her hair out and dress in "girl clothes" and when she got bullied Geoff stepped in for her. They sat together during lunch, then in the libary, then in all their shared classes. Geoff learned how to braid hair just so he could show Jack. 

They went to different High Schools but Geoff probably spent more time at Jacks school than his own, skipping classes to check on her, visiting courses with her. This was probably the reason he graduated with somewhat decent grades, if not for Jack he wouldn't have learned half the school stuff he ended up doing. She kept trying to convince him that she was fine, her school was amazing, but after he saw the first bruises on her he stopped listening to that.

They went to collage in the same city, film and acting courses for Jack and whatever the hell accepted him for Geoff. Jack had big plans and dreams that she needed to save money for but she also needed to pay for food and rent for her shitty dorm room. So Geoff moved inofficially into said dorm and started working to help her save up.

Without an officially registered address there weren't many legit jobs available so he worked whatever he could get, asking around if someone needed a hand and the like. People from the university referred him to other people and he made new friends, got involved with more semi-legal business. There was this guy named Joel who rolled some shady finance stuff with his friends and seemed to like him right away. He paid surprisingly well so Geoff tried his best to stay on his good side. After they started trusting each other he got more important jobs from them and they even started becoming something like friends.

Their "business" grew larger, more profitable but also more time consuming. Geoff decided to drop out in favour of working. They even had a name for their "project" to talk about it when not in absolut privacy, they called themselves The Roosters. 

Jack sometimes told him she worried about Geoff and what he did. He could see why: The Roosters definetely moved on to areas of very dark grey. But they were a good team, he liked working with Joel and his friends Gus and Burnie. He sometimes talked to Jack about them, although not too much. Geoff of course didn't want to worry her but mostly he didn't want to endanger her.

When Gus and Burnie graduated they started making plans to move to Los Santos. They had some contacts there and it seemed like business would go well. Joel would be able to manage the paper work and finances from here and follow next year, after he graduated too. They made plans about expanding, things were looking good. They would need a better network, soon the four of them wouldn't be able to manage everything alone. They could establish themselves in Los Santos since there was no other big Crew currently running the city.

Jack didn't like the idea. But she would graduate next year as well and after that she would move away too. They would have to live in different cities anyways. Geoff wasn't too happy about it either but for Jacks sake he tried to present it in a positive light. She would have a carrier, a real chance. They had enough money to pay for her flight, new furniture and rent a real apartment. She would even be able to suppert herself for the first few months if she didn't find a job right away.

Geoff stayed with Jack for this last year. This wasn't exactly the best plan for Rooster business but it worked well enough. Joel and him worked even closer together, started preparing everything from here while Burnie and Gus managed things directly in Los Santos. 

The year flew by and Jack graduated. Joel took a picture of her, still wearing the robes, jumping into Geoffs arms the first opportunity she got. All three of them have a "graduation picture" together where Geoff is wearing a stolen hat and they pose together. They sent it to Gus and Burnie who hung it up in the room Matt, Joels contact in Los Santos, provided. Their first real office.

Graduation Ceremony means they don't have much time left. Geoff spends every free minute with Jack. They both know they can't keep in touch after this, Geoffs work would make Jack a target, a weak spot and he would never forgive himself if something happened to her because of his Crew. They don't talk about it, as if not saying it makes it less true. They cling to each other as the last week slips by, always touching, standing so close they can feel the others heat, inhaling each others smell, sometimes just looking. Trying to memorize everything. 

They talk about all the letters and post cards they will send each other. The lie doesn't make it better but it's easier to keep pretending. 

Geoff manages to keep himself at least kind of together at the airport. Jack is crying but tries to smile anyways. They hug and hold onto each other for too long and Geoff thinks about kissing her. He wants to do it, wants it more than he has ever wanted it the countless times before. Jacks lips tremble. She is so close. Geoff knows she is thinking the same.

He cups her face and places his lips gently on her forehead, the lightest of touches. 

He can't do it, not now. If he kissed her now he would know what it feels like, would know what he can never have again. He should have done it years ago. It's too late now. He'd better not open that box. 

Joel is picking him up from the airport. They would stop by his room, grab his and Geoffs luggage and start driving towards Los Santos. Joel is kind enough not to comment when Geoff quietly breaks down in the car. He knows just as well that private contacts outside of the business are too dangerous.

~

The Roosters became the first Crew to control all of Los Santos. The other gangs respected their territory. They had contact with crews from other cities, working together to pull even bigger things. The cops knew how to work with and around them, sometimes exchanging favours for information, overall keeping the city in balance. If they tried to actively catch people from the network, terrible things would start happening. So they just tried to coexist. The underworld mostly regulated itself since The Roosters appeared. If smaller fish started getting too over-confident or pissed off the wrong people there would be either mysterious leads for the cops or some questionable accidents.

Although the Crew business went great, the four founders sometimes liked to get their hands dirty. The thrill of doing the real work never dulled. And when they pulled their heists they were spectacular; breathtakingly risky and always on the line between brilliant and insane. 

Sometimes they talked about Expansion. Not in the sense of making more business level contacts, but as in hiring a few more members, real recruitees. Geoff and Burnie were quite fond of the idea. They would like to have some new faces and minds, people they could really trust, who were unconditionally loyal - not because they were scared of The Roosters, but because they were part of them.

Gus was not as happy but acknowledged it was probably a good idea. 

They took their time selecting candidates, potential recruitees. After a long and thorough consideration they settled on Kara, whose reputation precedet her. She had experience managing Crew business, came from arms trade and various contacts confirmed her skill and credibility. She proved to be a great addition and helped mostly Gus and Joel. Things went more smoothly with someone else working behind the scenes. 

Since Kara was a huge success and improvement for them they hired another member the year after that. This time to assist mainly Geoff and Burnie. The new recruitee wasn't too well known, he was quite young but extraordinarily skilled. His age also meant they could mold him to their needs. The kid went by X-Ray before they took him in. He dropped the ridiculous "street name", although not without protest. Geoff liked him immediately. He didn't shiver before the Crew although he knew what they were capable of. He learned fast and contributed good ideas.

Sometimes Geoff thought back to his time before the Roosters. His other life. He wondered how Jack was doing, if she got into film business, or broadway, or theatre maybe? She said she wanted to do indie film stuff but would settle for anything she could get. He tried to google her but among the results he couldn't find the right Jack, his Jack. Maybe she took on a stage name? They always joked that nobody would be able to pronounce or spell her last name right. 

He didn't think about her too often. Thinking about her lead to thinking about all the different ways their lives could have turned out and that always made him sad. 

He knew the others could read it in his face, his eyes when he thought about her. Gus once pulled him aside and told him to forget. As if Geoff didn't know, didn't get it.

Joel later told him that Gus used to have a girlfriend for years. They even got engaged. And then he pissed off the wrong guys while creating the Roosters and they targeted her. To protect her he broke up with her and hurt her intentionally, so much she would never want to see him again. And then Geoff actually got it.

Sometimes, when he couldn't help himself, couldn't lock out memories and 'what if's, he pulled out the picture Joel took years ago. The one where he caught Jack in his arms at her graduation. He held on to it although he should have gotten rid of it when he cut all ties to his old life. They even took down the picture of Joel, Jack and him. Or any other pictures from college, really. It was better that way, better if nobody could pinpoint when exactly they all met each other. 

When Geoff or the others needed to clear their head from the past, needed some reminder of their present life, they planned one of their personal heists. The meticulous planning, the dense concentration, the danger cast out every other thought. 

It is one of these recreational heists that fucks everything up. Something went fundamently wrong, the information one of their contacts provided was incorrect. But still, it shouldn't have caused this much of a problem. They weren't paying enough attention. They got too arrogant, resting on their reputation and the fact that they always got away fine before. 

The cops pull up way too soon, the job is not done yet. They start shooting. Someone fucked up the explosives in the chaos and the detonation happens too early. They still had people in the building. The plans were wrong too, the explosion hit a gas pipe, there was fire everywhere. 

Four of their people and complices didn't make it out. Ray was among them. Three cops died from the first detonation, two more from the following gas explosion. Another one died on the way to the hospital, several others got severely injured in the fire. And that was just the immediate impact. 

The fire spread. Other buildings lit up, the whole block burned. There were factories around, the fire was fueled by chemicals and couldn't be put out with water. More explosions throughout the night. The fire spread further. The fire department couldn't get it under control.

There was a shelter for underage kids who didn't have any place to stay. They picked the location because rent was cheap in this area, surrounded by all the industrial buildings. It was the middle of the night, everybody was asleep. They barely got half of the kids out.

The fire lasted all night, the sun was up by the time the situation was under control. Even after that occasional explosions kept the city breathless. By the time the flames died down for good nobody believed in survivors.

~

Geoff quit the day the first death tolls were released. They might have been the most feared crew Los Santos had ever seen, but they always had rules for themselves, for what they did.

No children, no innocent, not more deaths than neccessary. 

The Crew fell apart.

~

Geoff spend the next few months withdrawn from people, curled up somewhere in his apartment. At first the others sometimes came to check on him but he didn't open the door, didn't react. He couldn't look them in the eyes. He couldn't risk catching himself looking for signs of guilt in them because that meant he tried to unload his own on to them. Sure, he wasn't the one responsible for explosives or checking the floor plans, but he was the one to suggest heisting. He was the one who had to think and poke old memories but then wasn't able to put them away on his own. If he hadn't thought of her, he wouldn't have needed the distraction, wouldn't have brought up the idea for the heist and none of this would have happened.

He started drinking. He had no idea what else to do. The thoughts spun in circles in his brain, faster and faster. He couldn't sleep. Whenever he closed his eyes he saw the fire, heard the terrible screams. 

He couldn't stop imagining Ray, and all the stranded kids, the other gang members, even the cops. 

When he just drank enough the screaming in his ears would stop for a while. His thoughts grew slow and stringy and everything seemed interesting and distracting. 

It was one of those nights when all his standard pubs were either closed or wouldn't let him in. Geoff didn't exactly know how but he found himself in the shabbier parts of the city, which meant a lot for a place like Los Santos, where the standard was shabby anyways.

There were a few strip clubs, some dark windows of dusty, closed shops and a bar a little down the street so he headed there, occasionally supporting himself on the wall of the house to his right. 

As expected they didn't reject him. The bar was fairly packed and he was glad he could disappear into the crowd. Only a little over a year ago his face had been all over the news and although he had grown quite a huge beard lately he was still worried about people recognizing him.

The downside of this bar was it took almost forever until somebody was ready to take his order. 

When Geoff looked up he instantly recognized her.

Jacks hair was shorter than he remembered. She looked worn out and so skinny, worryingly pale even under the warm light. He suddenly sobered up quite a lot.

He had missed her so much. He wanted to crush her in a hug and never release her again but she looked so ...fragile, so unlike she had ever looked. And she just stared at him, worried, tense, shocked, overwhelmed, but under all that there was something haunted in her dark eyes. He was about to reach out for her when she closed her eyes, pained, turned around and disappeared into the back room behind the counter.

It took him what felt like an eternity to work his way to the exit. On his way Geoff emptied some guys glass of water without even hearing the mans protest. Moments stretched into hours, it felt lily tryinf to run under water, before he finally found the back exit. By the time he rounded the corner he was sure Jack would be gone. 

There she was. On her knees, wearing only hot pants and a shirt, shaking either from the cold or her violent sobs. Probably both. Geoff took the last steps towards her, softly, so he wouldn't frighten her. 

He carefully touches Jack, afraid to break something. He can feel her spine through the thin fabric. She has never been this thin. 

He holds her, looks at her face, tears still falling from under closed eyes, dark circles prominent even in the dimly lit street. 

"Jack..." Geoff hates how hard saying her name is. His throat closes up; it crushes him to see her this destroyed. What happened? What happened to the bright girl he used to know, the young woman with strong ideals and plans, the Jack who loved learning and gaming and cooking - the girl he first fell in love with?

He took her home. Somehow they managed to get there before the sun fully rose. The whole way she kept wiping her face; she had always hated when people saw her cry. Geoff held her, partly to support himself but mostly to comfort her. She kept apologizing for god knows what, Geoff had no idea why she should apologize so he kept telling her that it's alright and everything is gonna be fine. And for the first time in years he actually believed it himself.

~

First he searches her pockets, all of them, then the stuff he got from her hole of an apartment. He reactivates old contacts to get rid of the substances he finds and make sure Jack will never get in contact with anything ever again. He tries to feed her as best as he could, although withdrawal makes her throw up a good part of it. He makes sure she stays hydrated, bathes her, turns up the heat although it's a hot summer day. 

None of that is hard compared to her begging. She is begging for mercy, for him to have a heart, to allow her one last fix. Jack makes promises, she cries and when that doesn't help she gets incredibly angry. And just when Geoff thought that nothing could throw him off anymore she wraps herself around him, kissing him, throwing him onto the couch and pinning him down. Just to beg him to make a deal with her, taking her shirt off while telling him how it will truly be her last shot.

Pushing her off of him and turning away his head was probably the worst thing he ever had to do. Including the goodbye at the airport all those years ago.

~

While he cared for Jack Geoff didn't touch any form of alcohol. One of them needed to be in their right mind and he wouldn't be able to help her if he was drunk out of his. He couldn't trust himself to resist her trying to coax him into letting her out while he was drunk. 

The first two days Geoff was going through sickness, shaking and mild cramps so he hesitantly called Joel. After all this time the other man was probably taken aback but Geoff didn't have time to revive their relationship gradiually. He needed someone he could trust right now and thankfully Joel understood that.

If Geoff hadn't been about to puke into a bucket when Joel arrived he would have laughed at the look on the other mans face. His eyes were wide in complete disbelief when he took in the trashed living room, Geoff clutching a bucket, and most of all Jack shaking on the couch, wrapped in all the blankets Geoff could find. 

By the third day the worst symptoms were gone for Geoff. He felt confident enough in his body to send Joel home for a while, who still hadn't asked questiond about the situation. Geoff was grateful. Joel had always known. 

Looking after Jack provided an amazing distraction, from Geoffs own thoughts and remaining restlessness and cravings. Right when his symptoms got managable she started to get worse and worse. Geoff read a lot about what he had to expect, when Jack would be over the worst, what he could do. Compared to her he got over his symptoms ridiculously fast. She was not as lucky.

~

It took time, so much time. But eventually they got through it. Geoff kept Jack locked up a few weeks longer, just to make sure. By that time she was mostly back in her right mind and very understanding. In the end it took her even longer to trust herself again than it took Geoff.

~

Geoff tries his best to provide a stable environment for Jack. Slowly getting her back on track, sorting herself out. He gets her help. It takes months, everything is painfully slow and yet it feels like the most enourmous steps anybody ever took. It’s hard and ugly and Jack sometimes falls back into old thought patterns but at least by now Geoff learned what to do, how to react.

More months go by. Jack starts to trust she can live like a person again. They know how to handle things. On good days they are sure they almost made it.

Geoff too is not completely fine. When Jack got better, well enough to not constantly keep an eye on her, his thoughts not occupied every second of every day, he gets to feel what he pushed aside all those months.

And when the nightmares come he can't do anything but hold on to her and wait for everything to stop. 

And Jack holds him.

She gets him, always has. She promises she will never leave him, she will never let him leave; not again. 

And Geoff holds onto her, feels her warmth, breathes her scent, takes her in with all senses and tries to convince himself that she is really here with him; something to ground him in reality.

It would have been so easy to never see her again. 


End file.
